apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
