you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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