this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them