my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.