I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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