The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
