I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
