i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
