Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
