Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
