I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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