when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
