I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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