They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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