Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
