No subtext here. People are naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
