How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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