based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i now understand why vodka
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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