weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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