She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
