can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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