Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
