I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
