im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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