Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
