Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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