Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
