Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
