I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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