boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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