I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
