Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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