I'm really into asian looking animals
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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