my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
