Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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