I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
