I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
