she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
