Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
