we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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