the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
