I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
