I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize