If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
