I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
