it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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