I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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