I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
