Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize