look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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