Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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