It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
