Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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