I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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