Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
