So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
