I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
