He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
