I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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